20 March 2014

The lentils didn't grow this year...like last two years...
My haftseen set, does not have a book on it, no Qor'an  or Hafez...! I thought about it y I forgot it at the end...I also added Strawberries as new seen to my haftseen set!
I have done it all right!
I hope for better...

8 March 2014

Kiosk band's songs remind me of snowy roads to ski slopes, late afternoon in card, driving in busy streets! worrying for being late! Mum's insults and the pleasure hidden in my flat!
The hint of cigarette smell in my bedroom skeleton!
Those days are vanished...like they never existed!We thought we can fight the time, we thought we can win the war!
I lived like there will not be another life, ever again....I lived like time will never pass! Like it is my ''TIME'' and I will stop spending it....
It hurts and it burns...It does remind me every second that these second is gone now! Keep moving on...do not get attached, do not love, do not leave, do not stay....
Everything will fall apart....
Do not make dreams...Do not hope...
These seconds will pass, need to plan ahead! Spend them in ''Right'', like there is such a thing as right or wrong!
I enjoyed the seconds, the worries, the drunken days by the swimming pool, madness of hosting a party that did not belong to me...the feeling of having a home, of my own!
Those days are getting dustier every day in my mind...
I should stop listening to ''Kiosk''! It is painful!
I can cope with low doses of past with no happy pill in my system!

4 March 2014

The withdrawal of happiness from my blood is showing its effect on my tear ducts....
I feel the random sadness down to my bones...
I remember the pain, feel, sadness and not being in control...
Every drop of happiness goes to drains of toilet ....
Every cell, regrets being numb for three f*&%ing years...
And I get ready to be myself again!