I want to scream today...Yes I do...All day long, which I spent in a blurry vision of dreams and reality!
I feel I lost everything now....every piece of me, my time and all of those fears and thoughts!
I had one of my worst days today! Full of emptiness!
I am constantly in the granny's old house...Jila, mum and me...all of us! Some one is coming ..something is happening...everybody is preparing...! James' family are there as well...we are cleaning the house and changing our cloths...to get ready! I have no idea for what!...I am happy but stressed as well, mum doesn't like my clothes and I want to close the doors..doors of those chain rooms to each other...she roles her eyes and says we don't need to close these doors...our stuff is tidy and clean, every one can see inside our rooms!
I don't remember when was the last time I was in that house...possibly 10-11 years ago! Just when Grandma decided that it is too big for her to clean!
As a kid I loved the damp rooms in the basement! There were always interesting stuff to find and play with, it was even more interesting when it used to be my uncles bed room!
It used to be my adventure land!
Do I miss it? I don't know anymore!
I miss the sour tasty prunes...how I had to beg to get the permission to pick them off the tree! Ahh there was a little well with those handles to pick water like movies....!
Mostly I miss the feelings of no responsibility...no fears other than upsetting mum, which I still carry around wherever I go!
I want to cry today and I can't as I have to wait till all my life to fall apart first and then ....it is finished and there will be nothing to cry for!
I feel I lost everything now....every piece of me, my time and all of those fears and thoughts!
I had one of my worst days today! Full of emptiness!
I am constantly in the granny's old house...Jila, mum and me...all of us! Some one is coming ..something is happening...everybody is preparing...! James' family are there as well...we are cleaning the house and changing our cloths...to get ready! I have no idea for what!...I am happy but stressed as well, mum doesn't like my clothes and I want to close the doors..doors of those chain rooms to each other...she roles her eyes and says we don't need to close these doors...our stuff is tidy and clean, every one can see inside our rooms!
I don't remember when was the last time I was in that house...possibly 10-11 years ago! Just when Grandma decided that it is too big for her to clean!
As a kid I loved the damp rooms in the basement! There were always interesting stuff to find and play with, it was even more interesting when it used to be my uncles bed room!
It used to be my adventure land!
Do I miss it? I don't know anymore!
I miss the sour tasty prunes...how I had to beg to get the permission to pick them off the tree! Ahh there was a little well with those handles to pick water like movies....!
Mostly I miss the feelings of no responsibility...no fears other than upsetting mum, which I still carry around wherever I go!
I want to cry today and I can't as I have to wait till all my life to fall apart first and then ....it is finished and there will be nothing to cry for!