Every day ...brings new pain!

Just don't feel good!
It is a really sunny, summery, happy day! I am not '' not happy'' but at the same time really on the edge!
I need t write down the list of disturbing incidents of the day! Then try to realise if they were disturbing or not and see if I do really give a shit!
I think I do give a shit at the end of the day..as I am kind of upset and nervous at the moment!
.......
Just an ordinary day for me huh?!

I just want to write in Persian whenever I want!

Apparently it's impossible , but it's ok....it is how it is, like other shits in my life...!

Spring is killing me and the sun is shining in the sky...no hiding this time...no clouds...she came out naked finally...cruel, frank but not burning...She's just teasing us!

To be or Not to Be...

Actually this is not the big question at the moment! As I can not do anything about my being!

غبار غم برود حال خوش شود حافظ

تو آب دیده از این رهگذر دریغ مدار

My lentiles didn't grow this year....I wasn't in a god shape to take care of them!

We cried yesterday...we said goodbye and hello! I was scared and he was hurt! I am hurt as well but faking to be strong...I am faking that nothing has moved in me, apart the peice of my heart that can't be replaced!

We will be fine!

It is spring and everything is being renewed! It is spring and you can smell it everywhere!

We will be fine!

I feel empty...empty as you can imagine the emptyness of a darkhole in the space...full and empty!

Today I'm fighting back thetears....possibly at some point of the day I will cry! But not now, now ...I'm in a battle field!

I just want a good news comes around and lights up my day...it won't happen though! I need to be realistic and stop having hopes!

I do remeber someone said once that do not take away someone's hope, maybe it's the last thing they own!

I want my fake hope being taken!!!!

دلم گرفته....

عمو بهرام..." بهرام عظیمی" فوت کرد....

حالم خوش نیست....انگار این بغض نترکیده به زودی خفه ام میکنه...

چطور حالا که باید گریه کنم ....نمی تونم؟

می ترسم....

از طرفی منتظر یه جور معجزه ام....

میگم عجب زندگی تخمی شده....

یه نگاه به تخماش میندازه ....معصومانه میپرسه که چرا تخمی بودن خوب نیست...؟

میگم...نمی دونم....چون حسابی تخمیه..؟

حلوا درست کردم....پف کرده...یه هوا!

نمی دونم به کی بدم...؟ یه عالمشو خودم خالی خالی خوردم....

دلم گرفته....

باورش برا خودم هم سخته....اما آدم ها عوض میشن....پیر میشن....دنیا هر روز تخمی تر میشه...

من اما دیگه سیگار نمیکشم....